Monday 27 December 2021

Things Schools Don't Teach

This year has brought many changes, and almost all of them have blind-sided me.  12 years of public schools, another 7 years of University, and 30 years of work training have left me woefully unprepared for real life.

Schools don't teach you how to handle your child coming out as trans (or even some variation of non-binary).  Schools don't teach you how to get a sleep-deprived ADHD kid to self-manage their alarm clock.  Schools don't teach you how to manage a divorce, financially, logistically, nor as a parent.  Schools don't teach you what to do when your trans ADHD kid shows you their suicide prevention hotline card and says they feel the need to call.  Schools don't teach you how to cope or manage when you find out your spouse of 30 years has been cheating on you for the last years.  Schools don't teach you how to waken and motivate said trans+ADHD kid, who has had about 2 hours of sleep, on christmas morning, to pack the clothes for a trip they need to leave in 30 minutes.

Schools don't teach you when to reach out for professional help, when to withdraw and think things over, when to swing for the fences, and how to tell the difference.

I have no idea if I'm doing any of this right, but I'm trying to act from the heart, with a good mix of brain-power thrown in.  

For xmas this year, I gave both of my kids a flag for their individual gender+orientation expression.  I'll take it as a good sign that both flags were hung on the walls in their rooms before they did anything else.  

If anyone is still reading blogs these days, I hope you (and I) have a wonderful 2022!


Saturday 24 August 2019

choice

I remember when my pre-verbal son first realized that I was giving him a choice between two options. The light came on in his eyes, he got the biggest smile you've ever seen, then after briefly considering the options grabbed wildly for his preferred choice. Just like that, "choice" was explicitly a part of the metaphysically given for him, even if it isn't always a choice between desirable options. Yes, there are days when I regret (if only for a minute) letting choice be a part of his awareness -- imagine, a world where kids eat *only* what is put in front of them, wear *only* the clothes you set out for them, and do *only* the things you've explicitly said they must do. ha! as if that would ever actually work as well as in my imagination!

EDIT: I wrote this about 9 years ago.  Somehow it never posted, but is a fun memory so I'm putting it out there.   My son started high school this year.  Choice is still a problem, but now in different ways.  It is never easy to stand by and watch your children make "the wrong" choice, and even sometimes hard watching them make "the right" choice.  Choose, they must.

Sunday 20 February 2011

curve ball

Some might see it coming, some might not. Never is it a happy time to confront the fact that a parent is not healthy, that they will not live forever. It is easy to maintain the naive viewpoint that our parents are as strong, willful, capable and vibrant as we remember from our youth.

There are a great many things we control, and a great many things we don't control. As many things happen for which there is a clear rational explanation as that happen which have no explanation, no deeper meaning, and few clear answers.

I haven't found the right answer, but it is someplace between "well, it has been a nice life" and mortgaging my kids future for a chance at an extra day. For now, I will give my kids an extra hug or two or ten each day...

Monday 25 January 2010

Kids and the Metaphysically Given

Diana Hsieh's recent blog post about cats and how the world is pretty much entirely metaphysically given from an animal's viewpoint. (ok, go here for what she said)

One of the interesting things about being a parent is watching your children as they grow from unable to even move a hand to ... well ... mouthing back at you.

I am definitely not proud to say it, but I've made enough mistakes as a parent to come to realize that children take *a lot* as metaphysically given, "it just is."

For instance, if you hit your children -- there is a stage of their development where that just is what parents do, and the kids will accept it as "the way it is". If you yell at your children, well, that's just what parents do. Could it be any other way?

yup, our kids learn from us, every day, both good and bad.

Fortunately for me, they also learn that it is ok to apologize, to occasionally ask for a do-over, and even to ask for suggestions and help in a tricky situation.

That is just what parents do.

rootie

Monday 18 January 2010

How to slide an R/C car

On our family vacation down in Disneyland, and on the way out we stopped at Ridemakerz -- think of it as "Build-a-bear" for boys -- you build cars instead of bears. lights, bumpers, chassis, wheels, tires, sound, stickers, and assembly stations with power tools dangling from the ceiling. Nice concept, a bit pricey, but exciting for a 5 year old. Given the late time of day, and my budget, we didn't do much with our cars. He got basically a push car with some lights and sound, and I got a little R/C car.

The thing is, the R/C car is the most gutless thing I have seen in a very long time -- it paled in comparison to other R/C toys I have seen that also used 4 AA batteries for power (Disney Mater tow truck that was scary fast for 4AA batteries). Even firm carpet is too much for this car (1/4" knap) you have to pick it off the carpet to get it moving again. The engineer in me thinks that whomever decided what motor and gearing to use for their R/C at Ridemakerz (IIRC, you have only one choice for the car chassis: "R/C, yes or no?") they chose the motor and gearing more for higher top end speed than for torque off the line. Of course, you don't know this till you get home with the car, which for me was 8+ hours of airports and airplanes and taxi.

Of course, the TSA did special inspections and made sure my R/C car and transmitter were not dangerous items before allowing me to take it onto the airplane. :P They didn't swab the radio transmitters in my Toyota car door remotes nor either of my cameras...(don't get me started) ... but they *did* test the mickey mouse balloon my son was carrying. I definitely feel safer knowing that kids balloons won't be dangerous if brought on board.

Anyway, this car has what I will call a binary controller -- either you are applying power to the wheels or you aren't -- there is no half throttle, there is no half-turn. (in my head, I have a Yoda (Miyagi?) voice saying "go or do not go, there is no try").

Mom and baby took a different set of flights home so she could side-trip to see her mom. This left me with a "brand new" R/C car, an excited 5 year old, and a couple of days of time before the holiday break ended. What to do what to do? Aha! Let's clear all the furniture out of the wood-floored dining area and turn it into an R/C car track! Let's just say that my son and I had a *ton* of fun, and it was also educational for me too! Yes, we ate standing up at the kitchen counter -- table? who needs a table for eatin'?

What I learned is that even a "cheap" R/C may be able to do some interesting stunts. Probably the easiest is the slide-turn or slide-turn-stop. Here's how:
  1. You need a slick flat floor with a bit of space -- I had a hardwood floor, probably about 10x15 (10x12?) with an adjoining room, also hardwood that had some extra space
  2. Get the car up to speed. (I needed about 8-12 feet of acceleration room for a good slide, 4-6 feet for a fractional turn)
  3. Turn the car to the side while maintaining forward throttle
  4. Immediately after (a quarter of a second after?) cranking the steering to the side, change forward throttle to backward throttle.
  5. tada! your car should have spun around enough for you to see 90-180 degree rotation of the car and a sliding stop.
  6. If you have good timing, you can switch back to forward throttle to keep going out of the turn, or hold the backward throttle to make use of your momentum in that direction.

I bet someone with some time (and batteries) to practice could probably control it well enough to do a sliding parallel parking job, but I wasn't quite skilled enough. For me I mostly was trying to get enough speed to do a clean 180 to a stop just before hitting the wall.

Tonite, I had the idea to see if I could drift it -- I got about a third of a circle drift turn before I ran out of room. (my wife is home, so the dining area has furniture again) Drifting requires a bit more control to initiate:

  1. Start with a big enough space for your car (smooth slick surface) size depends on the car's turning radius.
  2. Rather than speeding up in a straight line, keep the front wheels cranked to one side the whole time.
  3. Accelerate to get some speed in the turn
  4. Tap from forward to reverse just enough to initiate a slide, then *immediately* get back on the forward throttle.
  5. With luck, this will get your car drifting around the corner. Whether or not it can maintain the drift will depend entirely on the car and the surface you're driving.

Plan to allow 10 feet clear floor space if you want to try to drift -- I was using about 6-8 feet square area, and had to be very careful to avoid smashing walls, chairs, etc.

If I get enough control of either of these to be able to demonstrate for a video camera, I'll try to get videos online.

On a side note, my 5 year old son has an R/C car (Nikko brand?) that is actually a larger body with a 9.6v motor with two forward speeds -- the faster speed is actually "dangerous" to use indoors as you run out of room before it is done accelerating and almost before you can react to stop it! You can just see me excitedly yelling "wall!! wall!! watch out for the wall!" just before the car smashes into the wall, both when he is driving *and* when I am driving. Anyway that car has enough power that it can pretty much pivot turn on the front wheel with no special control manipulation other than "crank the wheel and hit the throttle!" -- I keep wishing there was a good large slick area we could take cars like that to play and see what they might be capable of doing.

To my wife's chagrin, probably every time the chairs are out of the dining room for a thorough sweeping and mopping, it may draw kids, big :) and little, with R/C cars...

Happy driving!

rootie

ps. Disclosure? I paid way too much for a wimpy car, and have received nothing in compensation from anyone mentioned in this post. If you feel like sending me something for free in the hope that I might review it, please do so, but I can't promise a post, nor a positive review as a result.

Saturday 31 October 2009

Kids and science experiments

Two stories for kid science lovers:

At lunch today, it was fun to watch as my wife and 10 month old daughter conducted a science experiment. Amelia would hold her milk cup out over the edge of the high chair, where she usually drops it on the floor. her mom would somewhat playfully say "no, no no, don't do that!" or something similar. Amelia got this great big grin on her face and pulled the cup back over the tray, at which time mom would say "good girl!" in a nice excited happy way. Then the cycle would repeat, with Amelia very clearly, deliberately holding the cup out over the floor, watching her mom and hearing her mom react, then clearly deliberately pulling the cup back over the high chair tray. Whether or not there was language comprehension on Amelia's part (I think she is getting some of it), she *was* very clearly experimenting to see what would happen, and by her smile, enjoying the accuracy of her predictions.

At the end of bath, after I dry Nicolas (5 yr old) off, he wants to curl up in a little ball and be covered with the towel, for a game of "what's in that egg?" (towel == eggshell) after a little cracking and wiggling, *something* comes out of the egg, and I have no idea what it is. I started presenting it with options "hmmm, if it is a plant it might light some sunshine, but if it is a lion, it might like a meaty steak", pretending to hold these options out in each hand and letting the whatever it is choose the hand that has something appropriate. Occasionally, I may feign stupidity (or genuinely not have figured it out yet), and ask something like "hmmm, what could I do to tell the difference?" to give Nicolas a chance to design an experiment of his own to be presented with. This has lots of educational opportunities... what do different animals (or machines) eat? "if it is a car, it might like some gasoline (my left hand), but if it is a big truck, it would prefer diesel (my right hand)". What do different animals (or machines) do? "would it rather pounce on a mouse (left hand) or dig a great big hole (right hand)?" "would it rather drive on a nice smooth street, or drive on a really bumpy rocky road?"

I'm convinced that kids are naturally scientists (stimulus response experimentalists, at the minimum), they just don't have any scientific theory to guide them.

Such fun!

rootie

Thursday 3 September 2009

Danger at the driver-through...

I was spacing out at the drive though this morning while waiting for my food. The guy in the car behind me sticks his head out his window and starts yelling. It didn't take long to figure out that he was yelling at me.

What was my offense? It would seem that I was looking at him.

Yes, this man was ready to take it over to the adjacent parking lot because some space cadet at the McDonald's drive-thru was absentmindedly staring at the wall beyond his rear view mirror.

I am quite certain that he wasn't at all happy that I *did* keep my eye on him every second after that until I was able to leave with my breakfast.

I continue to long for a rational society where valid rights are recognized and no person has to live in fear of another.

rootie